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SHAREHOLDER PARTY

Every memo in the game

All 110 cards, what they say, and what they do to you. The printer is still broken.

Land on a MEMO tile and you draw from the memo deck. Land on SHAREHOLDERS and you draw from a much nastier one. This page is the whole of both, because a card is a reference rather than a secret: the point of knowing that the restructure exists is that you can be quietly afraid of it for the rest of the game.

The rules are on how it works. The board, the tiles and the eight items in the stationery cupboard are all written up there. If you want to know how to actually win, that is the strategy guide.

The memo deck: office life

Meetings, the printer, the booking system, mandatory modules, the fridge, the rebrand of the rebrand. Mild, mostly. Nothing in this half takes an objective off you.

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL

Fifty minutes, nine attendees, one decision, and the decision was to meet again. The minutes will be circulated by somebody who was not there.

You lose 4 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular, stamped action required.

PRINTER ON FLOOR 3 IS DOWN AGAIN

It reports a paper jam in a tray it does not have. Facilities have escalated to the supplier, who have escalated to the printer.

You lose 3 SV. Regular.

BOOKING SYSTEM CONFLICT RESOLVED

Estates settled the clash by moving you to the desk of the highest performer, and them to yours. The room itself stays booked, empty, until 2027.

You swap places on the board with whoever is winning. Uncommon.

INTRANET SEARCH IMPROVEMENTS

Searching for the holiday policy now returns the 2011 fire safety handbook, a photograph of a fun run, and the holiday policy, at position forty.

You lose 3 SV. Regular.

MANDATORY MODULE: INFORMATION SECURITY

Ninety minutes of a cartoon padlock explaining that PASSWORD1 is a weak password. The audio cannot be skipped and the pass mark is one hundred per cent.

You miss 1 turn and gain a point of burnout. Regular, stamped action required.

EXPENSES TOOL PAID YOU THREE TIMES

The new system reimbursed the same taxi in January, in February, and again this morning. Finance have been notified by nobody.

You gain 9 SV. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

HOT DESKING: ZONE REALLOCATION

Your locker is now a locker for everyone. Name a colleague, and from Monday the two of you swap seat, monitor height and carefully tuned lumbar setting.

You swap places on the board with the player you pick. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

OFFICE MOVE: PHASE ONE OF FOUR

The floor is relocating to a building with better collaboration and worse windows. You are back at reception holding a crate of cables that fit nothing.

You go back to reception and gain a point of burnout. Rare.

AIR CONDITIONING ESCALATED TO HR

You have won the thermostat. The floor is held at nineteen degrees, everybody has been issued a fleece, and shivering is now logged as a wellbeing metric.

You gain 6 SV and everybody else gains a point of burnout. Regular.

UNANNOUNCED FIRE DRILL

Twenty-two minutes in a car park, counted twice by a man with a clipboard who counted wrong both times. Nobody was allowed back for a coat.

You miss 1 turn and everybody, you included gains a point of burnout. Regular.

ALL HANDS: RECORD QUARTER

Record revenue, record margin, record engagement, then one slide explaining why the pay review is paused. Questions were taken in advance and were not read out.

You lose 6 SV. Regular, stamped final.

ENGAGEMENT SURVEY: SCORE RECEIVED

The survey was anonymous. You gave leadership nines throughout and then signed it anyway. Your name has been written beside the word ambassador.

You gain 6 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

SUGGESTION BOX: ONE IDEA ADOPTED

Your proposal to remove the second sign off has been implemented as a third sign off. You have been thanked, in person, with stationery.

You take something from the stationery cupboard and gain 2 SV. Regular.

IT: HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING IT OFF

You had. You did it again while they watched over your shoulder. It worked, and the two of you have agreed never to discuss why.

You gain 4 SV. Regular.

LAPTOP REFRESH COMPLETED

The new machine is faster, lighter, and does not contain the folder called FINAL_final_v9. IT confirm the old drive was wiped on Tuesday, thoroughly.

You lose 9 SV and gain a point of burnout. Uncommon.

BADGE READER DOES NOT KNOW YOU

Security have you down as a leaver. You spent the morning escorted between floors by a temp whose badge also did not work.

You walk back 4 tiles and lose 2 SV. Regular.

VISITOR BOOK: SIGNED IN AS A GUEST

Reception issued you a lanyard, a bottle of water and a pastry from the client tray. Nobody on your own floor queried it for an entire day.

You take something from the stationery cupboard and shed 1 burnout. Uncommon.

FRUIT BOWL INITIATIVE, WEEK ONE

A wellbeing budget of eleven pounds has produced one bowl of bananas by the lifts. You got there before the eight-thirty crowd stripped it.

You shed 1 burnout and gain 2 SV. Regular.

YOU HAVE BEEN VOLUNTEERED TO BAKE

The charity sale is Friday, your name is on the sheet in handwriting that is not yours, and gluten free has been listed as your speciality.

You lose 4 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

SECRET SANTA REALLOCATION

The organiser has redrawn the names twice and given up. Choose a colleague. Something leaves their desk, something else arrives on yours, and no list is kept.

The player you pick loses an item and you take something from the stationery cupboard. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

CHRISTMAS PARTY BUDGET REVIEWED

Spend per head is down to four pounds fifty, the venue is the canteen, and the free bar is one voucher, redeemable before six, on soft drinks.

You lose 3 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

TEAM BUILDING: THE TRUST FALL

You were caught, eventually, by a man from procurement you had never met. The photographs are on the intranet under a heading that reads Our Culture.

You gain 2 points of burnout and lose 3 SV. Regular.

AWAY DAY: HOTEL NEAR THE AIRPORT

Two days of flip charts in a windowless suite called The Sussex, forty minutes from anything, and the coach back leaves before the final session ends.

You end up somewhere else entirely and gain 2 points of burnout. Uncommon.

BIRTHDAY CARD FOR A LEAVER

It has gone round the floor for six weeks and finally reached you. He left in April. You signed it warmly, kept the collection envelope, and passed it on.

You gain 5 SV. Regular.

LEAVING CARD, DEPARTURE PENDING

You have been asked to write something warm for a colleague whose restructure is not announced until Thursday. She is sitting directly opposite you.

You gain 2 points of burnout and lose 2 SV. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

DESK PLANT SURVIVED THE WEEKEND

Against the ventilation, the blinds policy and your own watering schedule, the peace lily has put out a new leaf. You have given it a name and a mug.

You shed 1 burnout and take something from the stationery cupboard. Regular.

SHARED FRIDGE: AMNESTY FRIDAY

Everything unlabelled goes in the bin at five. Your lunch was labelled, dated, on the door, and went in the bin at four forty.

You lose 3 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

MICROWAVE INCIDENT: KITCHEN SHUT

Somebody reheated mackerel at eleven and the smell has reached the client rooms. Name them. The whole floor already knows, they just want it in writing.

The player you pick gains 2 points of burnout and everybody, you included loses 3 SV. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

QUICK CHAT, 15 MINS, NO AGENDA

The invite comes from a diary you cannot see, the title is only your first name, and the location is a small room with a door that closes.

You miss 1 turn and gain a point of burnout. Regular, stamped confidential.

THE RECURRING 08:30 HAS ENDED

It was not cancelled. The organiser left, nobody inherited the series, and at nine this morning it quietly stopped existing. No decision was ever taken there.

You gain 7 SV and shed 1 burnout. Regular.

CALENDAR TETRIS: ONE HOUR FOUND

Three overlapping meetings collapsed into one, and a fourth was declined by somebody more senior than you. You spent the whole hour doing actual work.

You gain 8 SV. Regular.

REPLY ALL: PLEASE REMOVE ME

One question to nine hundred colleagues. Then the replies asking to be removed, then the replies asking people to stop replying. Your name heads all of it.

Everybody else loses 5 SV and you gain a point of burnout. Uncommon, stamped urgent.

DOCUMENT NOW HAS FOURTEEN OWNERS

Nobody can approve it because everybody can. Name the co-owner you are going down with, the delay report cites the two of you specifically, by name.

You lose 5 SV and the player you pick loses 5 SV. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

STYLE GUIDE UPDATE: VERSION 12

The company name takes no capital, except in legal text, and the long dash is now banned outright. You learned all sixty pages and you correct people.

You take something from the stationery cupboard and gain 3 SV. Regular.

BRAND REFRESH: SAME BUT ROUNDER

The logo is three per cent rounder and the blue is a slightly different blue. You sat on the working group, which now appears on your record as leadership.

You gain 10 SV. Uncommon, stamped approved.

REBRAND OF THE REBRAND

The rounder logo tested as unserious, so the corners are coming back. Every card, lanyard and mug is being reprinted and it is coming out of your budget.

You lose 8 SV. Uncommon, stamped final.

NEW CRM GOES LIVE ON MONDAY

It does everything the old one did, in nine clicks instead of two, and the training is a recorded webinar with the audio only on the left channel.

You lose 5 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

MIGRATION COMPLETE: RECORDS MERGED

Two databases became one and the deduplication rules favoured whoever came first alphabetically. The pipeline of the best performer here is now filed under your name.

You take up to 7 SV from whoever is winning. Rare.

MIGRATION ROLLBACK APPROVED

Everything is back on the old system, including the workaround spreadsheet you were told to delete. Nine months of project have been reclassified as learning.

You gain 5 SV and move forward 4 tiles. Uncommon, stamped approved.

CUPBOARD KEY, NEVER RETURNED

The facilities manager retired and the key stayed in your drawer. You are now the only source of good pens, dividers and the heavy stapler on this floor.

You take something from the stationery cupboard and gain 4 SV. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

THE ROOM WITH THE GOOD CHAIRS

A cancellation freed the corner room, the one with daylight, a screen that works and chairs that adjust. You have booked it all week under an invented project.

You move forward 3 tiles and shed 1 burnout. Regular.

TAXI CHARGED TO ANOTHER COST CODE

You typed a code from memory and it was not yours. The claim sailed through, approved by somebody on annual leave. Choose whose budget absorbed it.

You take up to 6 SV from the player you pick. Uncommon, stamped approved, and you choose who it lands on.

CLEAR DESK POLICY: SPOT AUDIT

A photograph of your desk is circulating as the example of what not to do. Anything left out overnight is in a basement crate with a form to reclaim it.

You lose an item and lose 3 SV. Regular.

ICEBREAKER: TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE

One colleague gave three truths by mistake and you were the only person taking notes. Name them, then consider what their discretion is worth this quarter.

You take up to 8 SV from the player you pick. Rare, stamped confidential, and you choose who it lands on.

SUBSIDISED CANTEEN: TILL ERROR

Since Tuesday the card reader has been charging staff prices to the visitor account. Your jacket potato came to eighty pence and nobody has looked into it.

You shed 1 burnout and gain 3 SV. Regular.

The memo deck: process and policy

The other half of the same deck. Expenses, compliance, the intranet migration, and whatever consultancy is in the building this quarter.

PAY REVIEW: MARKET ADJUSTED TO ZERO

Benchmarking confirms you are paid correctly for the role you already have. Your uplift is zero percent, applied from April for consistency.

You lose 6 SV. Regular, stamped final.

BONUS RESTRUCTURED AS SHARE OPTIONS

The bonus pool has been converted into options so that you are better aligned with owners. Alignment does not scan at the supermarket till.

You lose 7 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

OPTIONS VEST IN 2031

Your options mature in 2031. Until then you are, in the words of the letter, long term aligned. Somebody has done the maths and it favours the patient.

You gain 10 SV. Rare, stamped confidential.

HMRC: UNDERPAYMENT 2019 TO 2020

HMRC has reviewed the year ending April 2020 and found an underpayment. The letter is polite, the sum is not, and the deadline was three weeks ago.

You lose 9 SV. Uncommon, stamped action required.

PAYROLL HAS SWAPPED TWO RECORDS

Your tax code was wrong, and payroll swapped two employee records while correcting it. Your pay is now the pay of a colleague. HMRC has been notified by nobody.

You swap SV totals with the player you pick. Rare, stamped urgent, and you choose who it lands on.

HMRC REFUND: FORTY ONE POUNDS

HMRC has decided that it owes you forty one pounds and sends an actual cheque. You have nowhere to put a cheque, so it lives behind the kettle.

You gain 5 SV. Regular, stamped approved.

PENSION AUTO-ENROLMENT CONFIRMED

Auto-enrolment is complete. The company adds three percent, which makes it the most generous thing the company has ever done, and it was compulsory.

You gain 6 SV. Regular.

SALARY SACRIFICE: SOMEONE MUST

The scheme is called salary sacrifice and the wording is very clear about the sacrifice. Finance moves a sum from a colleague to you and files it under efficiency.

You take up to 5 SV from the player you pick. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

CYCLE TO WORK: BIKE COLLECTED

The bike arrives under the scheme and lives in the hall. You have named it. You have not ridden it. Somehow you already feel healthier.

You take something from the stationery cupboard and shed 1 burnout. Regular, stamped approved.

PRIVATE MEDICAL: PHYSIO DECLINED

Your medical cover is excellent. Appointments run between nine and five, which is precisely when you are here, so the shoulder stays exactly as it is.

You gain a point of burnout and lose 3 SV. Regular.

P0 INCIDENT AT 03:40

The pager knows your name. You fix production at 03:40 in a dressing gown, on a laptop balanced on the bread bin, and you are not at standup.

You gain 2 points of burnout and miss 1 turn. Regular, stamped urgent.

POST-INCIDENT REVIEW: ROOT CAUSE

The review is blameless, and then it finds a root cause. The root cause has a desk and a name. You are commended for your handling of the escalation.

You gain 8 SV, gain 2 points of burnout and the player you pick loses 6 SV. Rare, and you choose who it lands on.

ON-CALL ROTA PUBLISHED

The rota lands. You have Christmas week, New Year week, and the week of a wedding you are attending. It is your wedding.

You miss 1 turn. Regular.

WE ARE LIKE A FAMILY HERE

You are told that the team is a family. Families do not have notice periods or exit interviews, so you quietly take what a family would never invoice for.

You take up to 4 SV from everybody else. Rare.

PROMOTION: TITLE ONLY

Congratulations, you are now Senior. Senior is not a pay band. Senior is a prefix, and it arrives with the rota and a seat on the recruitment panel.

You gain 2 points of burnout. Regular.

JOB DESCRIPTION QUIETLY REFRESHED

Your job description has been refreshed and now contains the job of a colleague as well. You inherit the work, the numbers, and the silence in the kitchen.

You take up to 5 SV from the player you pick and gain 2 points of burnout. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

CALIBRATION: RATING MODERATED

Your manager rated you highly. A room of managers then rated you against the room, and the room had a distribution to hit. Your rating now matches the room.

You swap SV totals with whoever is winning. Rare, stamped confidential.

NOT QUITE READY

You are doing the job. You are not, the feedback says, quite ready to be paid for the job. Revisit in six months, which is the same six months as last time.

You lose 6 SV. Regular.

PERFORMANCE IMPROVEMENT PLAN

A plan has been prepared to support your improvement. It has weekly checkpoints, a shared folder, and an outcome that was agreed before the folder existed.

You miss 1 turn and lose 6 SV. Rare, stamped action required.

REFERENCE REQUEST RECEIVED

A company that did not hire you asks HR to confirm your dates of employment. HR confirms your dates of employment. That is the entire reference.

You lose 3 SV. Regular.

THE RECRUITER HAS GONE QUIET

Great chat, definitely keen, will come back to you Friday. It has now been eleven Fridays and the role has been reposted twice at a lower band.

You lose 4 SV. Regular.

COUNTER-OFFER: MONEY APPEARS

You hand in your notice and money appears that did not exist for three years. Nobody will name the budget it came from. You stay, and everyone knows the number.

You take up to 6 SV from whoever is winning. Rare.

EXIT INTERVIEW: FULL AND FRANK

You say all of it, calmly, with examples and dates. HR takes notes that go into a folder nobody opens. You have never felt lighter walking to a lift.

You gain 8 SV and shed 2 burnout. Uncommon.

GARDEN LEAVE GRANTED

Three months on full pay with no access to email. You are legally forbidden from working, which is the kindest thing the company has ever done to you.

You shed 3 burnout and gain 6 SV. Uncommon, stamped approved.

NOTICE PERIOD: THREE MONTHS

Three months of handover, farewell lunches with people you never liked, and being asked where the passwords are by someone holding a clipboard.

You miss 1 turn. Regular.

HANDOVER DOCUMENT: FORTY PAGES

Forty pages, three diagrams, a glossary. Nobody reads it, so nobody can do the job, so you are briefly load bearing and everybody is suddenly very polite.

You gain 7 SV. Regular.

YOUR ROLE IS IN SCOPE

The consultation pack arrives at 16:58 on a Friday. Your role is in scope. The word scope is doing a very great deal of work in that sentence.

You lose 7 SV and gain 2 points of burnout. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

CONSULTATION PERIOD OPENS

Thirty days of meaningful consultation begin today. The deck announcing the outcome is attached by mistake, and the file was last modified on Tuesday.

You miss 1 turn. Uncommon.

STRATEGICALLY RESTRUCTURED

Your role has not been cut. Your role has been strategically restructured into a different role, in a different team, in a building with worse parking.

You walk back 6 tiles and lose 6 SV. Rare, stamped final.

ONE ROLE, TWO CANDIDATES

You and a colleague are invited to interview for a single position. It is the position you both currently hold. Interviews are Thursday, one after the other.

You swap places on the board with the player you pick. Uncommon, stamped action required, and you choose who it lands on.

THE ORG CHART HAS BEEN REDRAWN

You now report to a job title nobody can define, in a function that did not exist on Friday, two time zones away. Your first one to one is provisionally in eleven weeks.

You end up somewhere else entirely. Uncommon.

REDUNDANCY CALCULATOR: OUTPUT

Two weeks per year of service, capped, taxed above thirty thousand. Eleven years of your life fits neatly into one cell of a spreadsheet you will never be shown.

You gain 9 SV and go back to reception. Rare, stamped final.

OUTPLACEMENT SERVICE ACTIVATED

Six sessions with a coach who teaches you to say restructuring instead of sacked, and to smile while saying it. There is a workbook. There is always a workbook.

You take something from the stationery cupboard. Regular.

LINKEDIN: AN EXCITING NEW CHAPTER

You post that you are excited to share some personal news and grateful for the journey. Two hundred and twelve people react. None of them are hiring.

You lose 4 SV. Regular.

RETURN TO OFFICE: FIVE DAYS

Collaboration happens in the building, so you will be in the building five days a week, on video calls, wearing headphones, beside nobody from your team.

You gain 2 points of burnout. Regular.

SEASON TICKET: 8.7 PERCENT RISE

The season ticket rises by 8.7 percent, described in the leaflet as investment in the network. The network is unchanged. You have seen the network.

You lose 8 SV. Regular.

THE COMMUTE

Rail replacement bus from a station you had never heard of. Two hours forty each way, by choice, apparently, for the culture and the subsidised canteen.

You walk back 3 tiles and gain a point of burnout. Regular.

CHILDCARE INVOICE (MONTHLY)

The nursery invoice is larger than the mortgage. You work to pay the nursery so that you are able to go to work, and this is called a lifestyle choice.

You lose 10 SV. Uncommon.

SEVEN HOURS OF SLEEP, ACCIDENTAL

You fall asleep before eleven and nobody phones. You wake up frightened, check the pager twice, and then discover that you feel almost human.

You shed 2 burnout. Regular.

THE GUITAR IN THE SPARE ROOM

It is still in the case, still tuned to the last thing you played, which was in 2019. You will get back to it properly after this quarter closes.

You gain 2 points of burnout. Regular.

UNANSWERED MESSAGE (14 WEEKS)

A friend asked how you were. You will reply properly at the weekend, when there is time to do it justice. You have said that about fourteen weekends.

You gain 2 points of burnout. Regular.

ANNUAL LEAVE CARRIED OVER

Five days carried into next year, where they will be carried into the year after that, until they are eventually paid out at a rate agreed in 2014.

You shed 1 burnout and gain 4 SV. Regular, stamped approved.

FAST TRACK TALENT SCHEME

You have been identified as high potential. High potential means the same rate of pay, considerably more of the work, and a mentor who reschedules.

You move forward 4 tiles. Uncommon.

ASSET RECOVERY: LAPTOP AND LANYARD

IT arrives at a desk with a jiffy bag and a printed list. The laptop goes in the bag. The lanyard goes in the bag. The plant is left behind, out of respect.

The player you pick loses an item. Uncommon, and you choose who it lands on.

THE BOARD WILL SEE YOU NOW

Fifteen minutes, no agenda, camera on. You put on the shirt with the buttons and report to wherever the Board is sitting, because the alternative is not going.

You are sent to the Board. Uncommon, stamped urgent.

The shareholder deck

Drawn on the SHAREHOLDERS tile, and the reason people avoid that corner of the floorplan. This is where a quarter can be taken off you by somebody who has never met you.

EMERGENCY TRADING UPDATE

Trading in the final weeks has fallen materially below expectation. The market was informed at seven. Colleagues are informed by this memo. The shortfall has been allocated to you.

You lose 14 SV and gain a point of burnout. Regular, stamped urgent.

PROFIT WARNING ISSUED TO THE MARKET

A profit warning has been issued. Every colleague will absorb an equal share of it, as is customary. No further explanation will be provided and none should be requested.

Everybody, you included loses 9 SV. Regular, stamped final.

PROJECT LIGHTHOUSE

An efficiency programme has been initiated. It has a name, a logo and a countdown clock. one delivered KPI has been reclassified as duplication and removed from your record.

You lose an objective you had already signed off and gain a point of burnout. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

ACTIVIST INVESTOR BUILDS A STAKE

A fund nobody had heard of on Monday now holds nine percent and has views. Positions have been rebalanced overnight. Your total and the leading colleague total have changed hands.

You swap SV totals with whoever is winning. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

UNSOLICITED APPROACH RECEIVED

An unsolicited approach has been rejected publicly and welcomed privately. Pending clarity, you and one colleague will exchange desks, duties and floor. Do not update the org chart.

You swap places on the board with the player you pick. Uncommon, stamped confidential, and you choose who it lands on.

BUYBACK APPROVED, PAY REVIEW DEFERRED

The pay review has been deferred pending conditions. The buyback was approved in the same meeting. The shareholders thank colleagues for their continued commitment.

Everybody, you included loses 8 SV and everybody, you included gains a point of burnout. Regular, stamped approved.

THE DIVIDEND WILL BE PROTECTED

The dividend is not negotiable. Cover will be restored from within the business, which means from within you. A note of thanks will appear on page 74 of the annual report.

You lose 12 SV and gain 2 points of burnout. Regular, stamped final.

STRATEGIC REVIEW OF YOUR DIVISION

Your division has entered strategic review. All options remain open, including the one already chosen in March. Do nothing and speak to nobody until further notice.

You lose 10 SV and miss 1 turn. Regular, stamped action required.

CONSULTANTS ENGAGED AT £4,000 A DAY

A consultancy has been engaged at £4,000 a day to recommend the decision taken in March. The deck has been circulated. Slide 14 is yours, uncredited, and the department pays for it.

Everybody, you included loses 7 SV and you lose an item. Regular, stamped confidential.

YOU FEATURED ON THE EARNINGS CALL

Your function was named once on this morning call, as a cost line. An analyst asked whether it could be smaller. Management confirmed that it could.

Everybody, you included loses 6 SV and you gain a point of burnout. Regular, stamped confidential.

GUIDANCE REVISED. ANALYSTS UNMOVED.

Full year guidance has been revised downward and the coverage has followed it down. Nobody is being blamed. That is precisely why nobody is being told anything.

You lose 11 SV and everybody, you included gains a point of burnout. Regular, stamped urgent.

RECOVERY OF HISTORIC OVERPAYMENT

A historic overpayment has been identified across the department. You have been appointed to recover it. Each colleague contributes, the difference stays with you, and the arrangement is not discussed.

You take up to 7 SV from everybody else. Uncommon, stamped action required.

DELIVERY MOVES TO A LOWER COST SITE

Delivery of your workstream now happens in a location selected on cost. You will support the transition, overnight, from here, at your current grade, for the good of the group.

You lose 7 SV and walk back 5 tiles. Regular, stamped final.

THE BUILDING HAS BEEN SOLD

The building has been sold and leased back at a rate agreed by people who will never sit in it. Report to reception. The floor you worked on is now an asset held elsewhere.

You go back to reception and lose 6 SV. Uncommon, stamped final.

YOUR FUNCTION HAS BEEN OUTSOURCED

Your function transfers to a delivery partner on the first. Knowledge transfer is your responsibility and is not chargeable. One completed KPI transfers with it.

You lose an objective you had already signed off and lose 5 SV. Uncommon, stamped final.

SITE CLOSURE ANNOUNCED BY WEBCAST

The closure was announced at nine by pre-recorded webcast. Questions were not taken. Colleagues are asked to clear their desks and leave the site by the marked exit.

You go back to reception and miss 1 turn. Uncommon, stamped urgent.

CEO EXIT PACKAGE RATIFIED

An arrangement has been reached with the departing chief executive. Performance conditions were waived by mutual agreement. The cost is recovered across the workforce.

Everybody, you included loses 9 SV. Regular, stamped final.

AI PILOT CONCLUDED SUCCESSFULLY

The twelve week pilot has concluded successfully. The model performs most of your role at four percent of the cost. Your remaining duties, and one of your objectives, have been retired.

You lose an objective you had already signed off and miss 1 turn. Uncommon, stamped confidential.

SHAREHOLDER COMMENDATION

Your name was read aloud at the annual general meeting and pronounced very nearly correctly. A commendation has been entered on your file. This time it carries money.

You gain 18 SV. Uncommon, stamped approved.

APPOINTED TO TRANSFORMATION OFFICE

You have been appointed to the office delivering PROJECT LIGHTHOUSE. You will be issued a lanyard, a laptop and a list of names. The shareholders are pleased with you, for now.

You gain 12 SV and take something from the stationery cupboard. Regular, stamped approved.

How often you actually see one

Every card carries a draw weight, and the words above are measured against the deck it belongs to rather than against a number somebody picked. A card marked common turns up at least twice as often as the deck average; a rare one at least half as little. The mild cards are common and the swingy ones are rare, which is deliberate: a game decided by one draw in the last round is not a game, it is a raffle.

SV is shareholder value, the currency you spend on objectives. Burnout is the meter that signs you off when it fills. Both are explained properly on how it works.